Introduction
In this paper, we shall discuss two overviews of two different couples therapy theories and discuss any similarities or differences between the two of them. We will then identify any strengths or weaknesses that the theories might have regarding couples therapy. After going over the theories thoroughly, we will discuss which theory that a therapist might use for a hypothetical couples case conceptualization. The paper will then describe different assessment questions to ask the couple that are based in the theory selected as well as provide different interventions that the couple can utilize in and outside of their therapy sessions that are also based in the theory selected.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy Overview
Emotionally focused couples therapy involves a collaboration of a few different approaches and theories. This theory integrates the experiential approach and family systems approach while also incorporating attachment theory. There are a few different aspects of the experiential approach that the emotionally focused theory utilizes in practice. This approach involves providing a safe and open space for the couple to allow for reflection and discussion of emotion in the relationship. The therapist validates both persons’ experiences in the relationship without invalidating the other. The therapist also believes that human beings will be willing to make creative and healthy choices if given the opportunity and will assist the couple in making those decisions in response to relationship drama. The therapist will note how the couple interacts and make sense of the world, but also helps them expand their view of the world to allow for new experiences. It will also focus on the inner and outer realities of the individual and how they can influence each other as well as the relationship. This approach believes that we are all formed and transformed by the relationships in our lives (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
The EFT Theory and Family Systems Approach
The EFT theory also uses the family systems’ approach. The family systems approach focuses on how couples can adopt destructive and unproductive patterns of communication and how to restructure those interactions to allow for more productive patterns of communication.
It’s important to note that while utilizing this aspect of the theory that causality is circular and the couple should not focus on who “caused” this negative method of interaction first. The behavior of either partner should be considered in the context of the other partner as well as in the context of their relationship. It should be understood that the couple have elements of their system that are predictable and consistent. The couple’s regular “homeostasis” is substantiated by regular repeating cycles of interaction. This theory believes that all behavior is assumed to be communicative in some way shape or form. What is said between partners can define what role that the individuals take in the communicative relationship. The role of the therapist is to interrupt repetitive and negative cycles of communication and replace them with new more effective patterns of communication (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
The EFT couples theory also utilizes the attachment theory. EFT uses this theory because they believe that a persons’ attachment bond between partners is viewed as the “driving force in shaping the intrapsychic experience and interactional patterns in romantic relationships,” (Lebow & Snyder, 2022). There are a few main principles that the EFT would utilize with this theory.
Seeking out and maintaining relationships with significant others is the primary motivating principle for human beings. It also believes that dependency is a normal part of the human experience. This dependency may be reflected differently across different developmental stages and cultural contexts. It’s important to be able to connect to significant others and if we don’t have access to these connections, it is seen in our bodies as a threat to our safety and can cause a large amount of stress. Our attachment in our relationships can provide a secure baseline to explore the inner and outer worlds of the individual and promote growth and autonomy.
Accessibility and responsiveness foster secure attachment bonds. Fear, illness and stress activate attachment needs. The more secure the attachment style the quicker the partner responds to collaboratively seek support, solve problems and alleviate distress. When key attachment figures cannot be reached or respond quick enough, this can cause distress in the other partner. Mapping the inner working models of self and others can help the therapist and the individual learn how to navigate future relationships based on relationships that they have had in the past (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
Gottman Couples Therapy Overview
The Gottman Method for couples therapy is heavily based in physiological and
psychological testing and research. This method measures couples’ physiological data (by
measuring hormones and neurotransmitters in their blood and adrenaline and noradrenaline),
observational data (monitoring couples while they have conversations and arguments as well as
using longitudinal studies), and self report data (self-report questionnaires and interviews) from
the couples that they would work with. Using these data collecting methods, they have been able
to predict how successful a relationship can be, if a married couple will get divorced and even
when a couple will get divorced with considerable accuracy. Other researchers can also replicate
this method of research and its findings. This research has proven to be accurate for heterosexual
and same sex couples as well. The studies that Gottman has done has yielded an understanding
of how relationship functions or fails, and ability to predict newlyweds’ adaptations to the
transitions of parent-hood, midlife and retirement, and nonlinear dynamic difference and
differential equations for mathematical modeling of marital interaction (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
This method has also drawn several conclusions about relationships that have changed how we have previously thought of them. This method has found that 69% of most relationship issues are not solvable and are instead perpetual. Gridlocking conflict is caused by the escalation from mild negative affects to the more extreme four horsemen of the apocalypse. Escalating conflict can predict couples who divorce early after the wedding, but an absence of positive and negative affect as well as a lack of emotional vitality can predict a later-divorcing pattern in couples. A gentle approach (accepting influence and compromise), the use of shared humor (where both partners are laughing) and affection reduce physiological arousal during conflicts and are proven to be more beneficial during conflict. The levels of a couples’ physiological arousal is a huge determining factor in what can make or break a relationship and must be considered when analyzing conflict in couples. No one can intuit a persons’ physiology. Dealing
with the conflict’s core existential nature will help couples have a constructive dialogue and reach a temporary compromise about a perpetual issue. Decreasing negative affect and increasing positivity when there is conflict and no conflict are important to build change that lasts. Effective management and friendship processes can determine the effectiveness thresholds of the immediate repair of problematic interaction. The couples’ “shared meaning system” (rituals of connection, shared goals, supporting the roles we play in life and shared values of life philosophies) need to be understood in order to facilitate stability and happiness in the relationship (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
Similarities Between Theories
There are a few similarities between the Emotionally Focused Theory and the Gottman Method. One similarity is that both theories utilize multiple different sources of methods or theories in order to be as effective as possible when utilizing them in the therapy session. EFT uses elements of family systems theory when helping couples build different healthy and effective ways of communication, elements of the experiential theory when helping the clients open up and share their own emotional experiences and how that can impact the relationship, and elements of the attachment theory how past relationships can affect our current attachment style and how to help the couple develop more secure attachment styles. The Gottman Method uses different types of empirical research (physiological, observational and self reporting) in order to gather the data and information needed to know about how much progress that the couple seeking treatment needs to make. It also utilizes the sound relationship house theory which are
guidelines the couple can follow in order to achieve a more successful, meaningful and loving relationship. This theory is also inspired by Jaak Panksepp’s book Affective Neuroscience which documents seven different affect systems that have distinct behavioral and neurophysiological patterns shared by all mammals. The Gottman therapists decided to call these systems “emotional command systems.” They also associated these systems with different hormones or needs of the body (such as energy, food, warmth etc.). These systems provide a way of visualizing the different kinds of dynamics that the couple can have while also identifying what emotions (and hormones) are driving them (Lebow & Snyder, 2022). Both theories also observe how the individuals of the couple communicate with each other. EFT observes communication as an aspect of their systemic approach in order to create better ways of communication while Gottmans method observes how the couple communicates to measure their hormone levels as
well as helping the couple understand how to better resolve conflict between each other (Lebow & Snyder, 2022). Another similarity between the two is that they both focus on the emotions in the relationship as well. Both theories also focus on emotion as a part of their structure in therapy. Gottman focuses on emotion when the couple is interacting with each other so they can record the appropriate physiology levels for that emotion as well as determining the positive and negative affect interactions that the couple has. EFT focuses on building a safe space so that couples feel more comfortable sharing their emotions in the relationship and learning how to express those emotions in a more healthy way (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
Differences Between Theories
There are some differences between the theories as well. EFT is more based in humanistic theory while Gottman is based more on the scientific collection of data. EFT discusses the importance of making a safe space for couples to express emotions and finding the meaning behind the emotions that they are feeling while also considering the partners’ attachment styles that have been shaped by past experiences and can influence the current relationship. The Gottman method focuses more on couples having more positive and less negative experiences with each other and can give the couple multiple different methods on how
to achieve that. It also discusses the importance of measuring the physiology of the couples (heart rate, adrenaline, hormones) and bases a large part of their treatment off of this data as well.
The theories have different views on conflicts in a relationship. The Gottman method refers to conflicts in a relationship as inevitable and in some cases perpetual. EFT believes that conflicts in a relationship tend to happen when couples have some sort of unmet emotional needs and they don’t know how to communicate them properly. Another difference is that the Gottman theory is very structured in how the sessions go while the EFT is not. The Gottman Theory utilizes video modules and handouts that act as “blueprints” for how couples should handle conflicts in the present, in the past and conflicts that have an existential basis while EFT is a lot less structured and focuses on the flow of conversations and how emotions can exhibit during the therapy sessions (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
Analysis of the Theories in Relation to Couples Therapy
A strength of Gottman’s method is that it has conducted longitudinal studies that have lasted over decades so they know what couples have stayed together and are happy together, what couples have stayed together and aren’t really happy as well as what couples have divorced and how long the couples were together for. One weakness of the Gottman Method is that since the method is largely based on empirical research and physiological data and is very structured in terms of their therapy sessions, it is common for newer therapists starting with this theory to not stay in the moment with the couple in the sessions and are inattentive to the more emotional part of the process. A strength of EFT is that since the EFT is less structured and focuses more on the experiences of the couple in the relationship, it is most likely easier to apply in therapy sessions compared to all the testing and abundance of homework that is involved in the Gottman method.
Case Conceptualization
The presenting issues are that Sydney wants Liam’s affair to end and Liam is tired of coming home to Sydney intoxicated and unable to take care of her daughter. The precipitating factors are that the couple feels like they are drifting apart from one another and are tired of constantly fighting with each other, it has now started to affect them at work as well. The perpetuating factors are that Sydney’s constant drinking and getting high is pushing Liam away and he wants to spend more time with the woman he is having an affair with rather than take care of his intoxicated wife and her daughter, which causes Sydney to drink more since it seems like he doesn’t want to be with her anymore. Some predisposing factors are that these issues of Sydney having issues with drinking and Liam having an affair during his last marriage have now carried into their current marriage. They did not deal with these issues before entering into the
relationship together. There are a couple protective factors in their relationship. They both stillwant the relationship to work since they are both present during the session. Liam also still cares about Sydney’s daughter from the previous marriage and believes that Sydney should stop drinking not just for their relationship, but so Sydney can be a more active participant in her daughter’s life as well.
The theory that we will be utilizing for Liam and Sydney’s treatment is the Emotionally Focused Theory. This theory has been chosen for this case for a couple reasons. One of those reasons is because it is important for the individuals in the couple to learn to understand their emotions and be willing to share them in a safe environment. Having a therapist be able to guide them through communicating properly to each other about their emotional needs instead of seeking those needs through another relationship or through consuming an unhealthy substance can benefit this relationship immensely. Another reason this theory is being used over the other is because the couple needs to see how their attachment style and behaviors from their previous relationships can affect their current relationship, since it seems like history is repeating itself with Sydney still struggling with her substance abuse and with Liam indulging in another affair.
Assessment Questions
It’s important for a therapist to ask the appropriate assessment questions in order to gain more insight on the couples’ interactions as well as more background for why the problems are happening the way they are. One question that the therapist would want to ask the clients would be for Liam, “How does it feel when you come home to Sydney being under the influence?” and for Sydney, “How do you feel when Liam comes home late or doesn’t come home at all?” This question is not only used to help the therapist gain more of an understanding of the individual’s attachment and emotional needs, but this can also help the other member of the couple recognize how their actions are making the other person feel.
The next couple questions would want to be asked in individual sessions with either member of the couple. When in a one on one session with Liam I would want to ask more questions about:
- How his affair with Sydney started
- Reasons of why his previous marriage was struggling and
- When growing up, who comforted him?
This is to help the therapist identify any possible repeat patterns for why his last relationship did not work, to his current relationship which isn’t working. This can also help the therapist better understand his attachment style and how he might express his emotions and frustrations in a relationship. In a one on one session with Sydney she should be asked a few questions regarding transitional periods of her life such as:
- When she first got married how was that relationship and when did it start to deteriorate?
- How was her life after having her daughter?
- When she was younger, who comforted her?
These questions can give the therapist a better understanding how these previous transitional periods might have affected her behavior or her attachment style in some way, shape or form. Both of these individual sessions are also meant to help build the therapeutic alliance and help the individuals feel more comfortable about sharing their feelings about the relationship and any possible past relationships that they may have experienced. When the therapist brings the couple together again it would be important to ask them how they would like their relationship to be. Knowing what the couple wants out of the relationship is imperative when coming up with a treatment plan for them.
Interventions
One intervention that I would want to have Liam and Sydney try would be evocative responding. Asking questions to the couple like “When you come home and see that Sydney has been drinking too much, what is that like for you?” or for Sydney, “When you are waiting for Liam to come home and he never does, what is that like for you?” This intervention is to expand elements of experience to facilitate the reorganization of that experience, formulating unclear or marginalized elements of experience and encouraging exploration and engagement (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
The second intervention that the therapist should implement would be to restructure and reshape interactions with each other. The therapist could ask Sydney, “Can you tell Liam that ‘When you don’t come home, it makes me feel like you don’t care about your relationship with me’?” or ask Liam, “Can you ask Sydney what you need from her right now?” This intervention is meant to clarify and expand on negative interaction patterns, which then leads to new kinds of dialogue that can foster more positive cycles of accessibility and responsiveness. This will help the couple better understand what the other person needs and how to give them what they need rather than looking for other avenues of fulfillment (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
If the couple were to ever reach an impasse in their treatment, a different intervention would be for the therapist to set up an individual session with each partner to explore the impasse and soothe the fears associated with new levels of emotional engagement. There is a chance of this happening with Liam and Sydney since they have grown accustomed to using their typical methods of self-soothing for so long, but this intervention can help them see their progress so far with the therapist and help reclaim their new dynamic with each other (Lebow & Snyder, 2022).
Conclusion
This paper has discussed in great detail a general overview of both Emotionally Focused Therapy and Gottman’s method. We know the similarities as differences that the two theories have as well as some strengths and weaknesses. Then, using what we know about the two different theories, we learned how to identify which theory would work best for a presenting couple and come up with a case conceptualization for them. Utilizing the selected theory, we were able to come up with several different assessment questions to help glean a better picture of the emotional, communicative and attachment needs of the couple. From these questions we were able to come up with several different interventions for the couples to use to help rebuild more positive interactions between themselves
References
Lebow, J. L., & Snyder, D. K. (2022). Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy. Guilford Publications.
Kaleigh Elwell