Podcast Transcript
hi my name is Rachel Honda from straight jaged podcast my name is Jeff from Mental
Health Resource and today we have Lola from Aaliyah helah thanks for having me um thanks for
having me I appreciate it of course and then if you can say a little bit about your position at Ayah Health yeah of
course so I am a bdre which means Business Development officer um very
fancy title for no reason but um yeah I used to be a case man manager and now I’m in business development as of seven
months ago okay awesome and then what do you think is are the benefits of doing
business development over clinical yeah um I think it’s super important to come from a clinical background it helps a
lot um so basically what I do is I go out to other facilities I seek them out I meet the clinical teams like I did
with you guys here um and I basically see if we can send clients to you guys meaning if we have someone we primary
substance use um if we have someone that needs primary mental health like we’re not going to keep them we’re going to
refer out and we want to do it to a good company to a good program with good people right um so basically I go meet
those people I go SE out the programs and build relationships and that’s basically what I do um I think that I
enjoy this role a lot more than most roles I’ve had in the industry um just
because I get to be out there more um as a case manager I blindly would send clients to facilities not knowing the
clinical teams or even hearing about the facilities um so I think I just feel
better as a person morally um being able to meet these people and get out there
and be able to spread our name as a company so yeah I love that yeah and
then what do you think is your favorite part about um connecting with the
individuals that you go out and meet yeah I um honestly it
again it just makes me feel good about what we do um I think it was kind of the
missing piece to my knowledge of the industry if that makes sense um I didn’t
really know what was beyond the walls of the company I would work at right um so now I get to go into these other
companies know what’s out there good or bad right um and be able to direct
people to the right level of care right that might not be with the company I work for even though it’s amazing
um it might not be the right fit for everyone right so I think it’s just being able to be a resource for people
um you know talk to clients for an hour and then be able to be like okay I have
a great place that I think would fit you perfectly so um yeah I think that’s probably the best part love
that in the helping profession H you’re in the helping profession yeah I
honestly I didn’t really know that’s what I was getting into but um I’ve told
people a million times my whole story I’ve had great jobs um throughout my life but didn’t feel like I had a
purpose of any kind whatsoever no motivation um and I think these types of
jobs in this industry kind of gave me that purpose right feeling like I can actually make a difference and help
someone right um so yeah how did you start in the like treatment industry I
actually got a get well job okay so I was 3 months clean lied said I was 6
months clean and got a um what is it called behavioral Tech job so I was working at
a facility um 3 months clean I was in sober living and um I worked as a tech
for about 6 months and then I got offered case management and then I was up from there yeah I love that’s what I
love about treatment is you can um really move up pretty quickly and know
all different parts of it too absolutely so yeah I think that I think it’s like we were talking about earlier it’s
awesome to be able to come from within and kind of see all different perspectives of the industry um yeah
it’s it’s really a cool experience to kind of work your way up you know um for
sure yeah so what what brought you into the uh the treatment industry um I’m in
recovery myself so I’m an alcoholic um so I have a story um um and
it was kind of not planned right so after getting clean myself and going
into treatment and going through ups and downs of that for a very long time um I
just wanted a job honestly a job where I could get there with my schedule for um
sober living right um that was convenient and it wasn’t not planned to
stay um in this field so um yeah it was it was just happen stance and I think it
was kind of like meant to be in a way right um everything happens for a reason um but yeah it’s if I wasn’t in recovery
there’s no way I would be in this field at all tell us a little bit about uh
what got you to the point of recovery yeah I mean to take you
back um so a born and raised in La um was very lucky to have the opportunities
of the school I got um my father’s from Compton my mom’s from Boston
Massachusetts um so kind of The Best of Both Worlds um they put all of their money towards me my sister’s schooling
so we went to really really good schools here in Los Angeles um but at the same time even though I got an amazing
education um I was kind of let’s say impostor syndrome very early in life
where um I’m around all these very wealthy children um having stacks of cash like in first
grade to do whatever they want um and I’m like picking off of other people’s lunches you know um from a very young
age and um I think that’s kind of probably where it all started um
definitely where the mental health started right um not knowing who I am
right there’s also the aspect of like being mixed and not being white enough or not being black enough to fit into
either Community um so I think that definitely was the foundation that was
slowly being built over time um that then eventually led to like late high
school maybe like junior senior year um I was like the stoner of my private um
High School in the valley um for lots of levels of age rages um I was the person
that people came to for weed um and I loved that I love like being that girl
you know um and I just fell in love with weed I think it was probably cuz it was an escape and it allowed me to be
someone who I really wasn’t um put on kind of a character you know um so at
first I guess it was innocent um then later towards the end
of senior year tried sanax um tried Coke just kind of anything because at that point I was depressed I was super
anxious that’s why I smoked weed and um it didn’t cause paranoia for me at that point either yet um so I think there was
a lot of things that from the outside being in the family I was in it was very important
presentation was very important right so behind closed doors whatever happened as soon as there was a guest in the house
or we were out in public it was the opposite right um no one would ever know that there were issues in the family um
that me and my sister had issues of any kind she was dyslexic right she went to a private school with like 15 kids in it
like until senior year um and of course I had my own issues but I masked it so
that I would have the freedom I wanted to like be able to go get high and do whatever um so it started kind of
innocently um and then I believe when I went to college the opportunity to go to
school um I played Sports my entire life from when I was three I played like
volleyball basketball soccer um and I painted from a very young age too so I
had like these two Avenues I could take when it came to college um and I had the grades to back it too um and I was like
if I can go to New York and paint for four years and smoke weed please sign me up let’s do it let’s play Let’s Go um so
that’s exactly what I did I went to Pratt Institute in Brooklyn New York um and decided and realized that I could be
whoever I wanted to be because no one knew me um new city um new people
so I did exactly that and I think that’s really where my mental health completely fell apart um among other things that
happened um because I first of all wasn’t just being myself but I was running away from whoever I was or
thought I was right um to become someone else cuz I didn’t like who I was right
um so there I started partying the weed was just to go to sleep at that point I
was picking up a gram of coke every day um and hanging out with people that were
doing the same things and enabling it right um and had mental health issues of their own but we’re blinding it with
drugs and alcohol um and it kind of just seemed like the norm too cuz in New York
it’s fastpac and that’s what everyone kind of does you know um to an extent
right there’s the Stoners and then there’s the people that go clubbing every single night and do things like
Coke and um um so there I picked up a nasty habit um after four years I was
definitely a cokehead as you will um and I lost myself completely I was Bic um my
second year I was throwing up everything I ate um I’m like 6 foot and I was like
160 lbs you know skin and bone um went home one Summer and the I
think what kind of locked it in for me um and led to like why I hated my
parents later more so um was cuz I went home and my mom was like you look great
this is the best you’ve ever looked right and I’m throwing up everything I eat I’m have a huge Coke addiction I’m
super depressed super anorexic you know sick sick looking seriously I look like
a skeleton and I’m pale and you see-through skin you know um hair is falling out all this stuff and I think
just it not only enabled it obviously but it made me be
like okay this is what I’m supposed to be doing this is great I’m the best I’ve ever been you know um so going back
after that summer break it it picked up from there um I became more promiscuous
I got pregnant um and I was alone in a city where I didn’t know anyone um and
got an abortion and I don’t know you know anyone who’s been through it but they say you can have surgery or you can
take this pill and I’m like oh let me just take a pill obviously it’s so easy took the pill it’s very painful
experience um again I think it was my sophomore year so I was alone in my dorm room um agonizing pain and I think I
really at that moment I always say I have a switch in my brain that I can turn on and turn off um and completely
dissociate um and I think at that point sophomore year I just was numb for the following two and a
half years um I didn’t care what I did to myself I didn’t care who I surrounded
myself by I happened to do well in school because it was in regards to painting you know and film classes I
minored in film um and before I knew it College was over I had a raging Coke
addiction I was physically horrifying and um my mental health was is the worst
it’s ever been um so I have no money of course I didn’t work those four years I
go home to La I have to live with my parents now in a house where I don’t have a door and I share a wall with them
at 22 years old and I have this awful addiction um
so from there I would say things just
spiraled because I couldn’t hide it anymore um they realized that I was
really struggling addiction also runs in my family mental health as well um I’ve had family members pass away from it um
so my mother caught on very quickly but at the same time they don’t know what to do right um and it’s not their fault
right at that point I hated my parents and they weren’t allowing me to live the life I wanted to live and um the life I
kind of thought that they had shaped in a way right um cuz I thought they had shaped me and the choices I had made as
a person um and it just just went downhill Ed Money hit at that at that
time so I had like a good $155,000 for the first time in my life um I got an
apartment on my own in North Hollywood um and picked up about $1,000 of coke
and went up to Jose San Jose um visited people I should not have been around and
did that whole crazy thing um so something I thought that had gotten so bad in college where I was still
surrounded by people I still had friends and this and that um I was now in my own
apartment it had like Stark Hospital White Walls there was nothing in there
there was a mattress on the ground and the entire year I lived there I didn’t hang anything I didn’t have I had my
clothes in a suitcase still um I got an awesome art job working as a art
director at a product company in calabases um through family friends so I had a great job I was a painters
assistant um downtown for these awesome artists um so on the outside again it looked fine
right um but I could do all my work for my bed so sitting on my bed doing all my work on my computer doing lines uh
mental health just a mess right um and at that point I
was inviting whoever I met on the street um into my apartment to sleep with me
with their pimples and their random people I’d wake up and not know who who they were um
and I thought that I mean that was the best I could do at that point right cuz I didn’t want to be alone um I had
codependency for sure um and whoever I could latch on to I lost all my true friends right CU I had borrowed money
from them or I had stolen money from them blatantly or um all the bad things
you can think of i’ done to those friends so I’d burned all those bridges um and one night I stayed up all night
the night before Halloween of 2020 and doing an all nighter with this random guy that was in my apartment and looking
to pick up again it was 10: in the morning no one was answering of course um and finally someone answered I
believe it was in Thousand Oaks so I drove my car out to Thousand Oaks at 10:00 a.m. Halloween morning finally
picked up did a big line before I got into my car and remember it being not
Coke like I was like this is oh no it’s it was different material different whatever um but I didn’t care I was
desperate um within 5 seconds I called a friend and said I don’t know what I just
took but it’s the best feeling I’ve ever felt and I don’t remember hanging up and I woke up in Burbank hospital um I had
ODed in the fast lane on the 101 freeway and rolled into the median um and yeah
it was fent and all so from that moment on could not hide it um I think my
lowest point in my wakeup call was I tried to call people from the hospital
to pick me up and the only person that came or was willing to answer was a
60-year-old biker dude I had met like in the valley randomly and did meth meth with him he came and picked me up on
like his motorcycle and um that was
terrifying um and very sad um and I just fell apart and my parents found out of
course um and I begged them to check me into treatment um so that was in
November of 2020 um I did the whole ups and downs thing of treatment for about a
year um I met a a boy in treatment and
made him my everything um and he happened to be a body broker or too so that was super fun
um and it was just you know talk about mental health issues I
mean I was I turned my family away I this person
made me think that they were the devil um I stopped talking them to them for eight months and fast forward eight
months of going into treatment in a nice place in Malibu my parents put me in there and I’m homeless on the streets in
Hollywood doing math which I told myself I’d never do um hopping from motel to motel sleeping in my car um right on the
Las anagas strip and I mean I was at one point I was just desperate um um and I
think that if I wasn’t desperate I would never have gotten clean and I would have never gotten the help I needed for my
mental health um and I went into treatment of June of
2021 and that’s when I clicked and from that moment on I just listened to everything that the people were telling
me to do um I hated everybody I was in treatment with um I hated all the people
they wanted me to wake up at 6:00 make my bed um I got into like a physical
altercation with this guy who was a racist it was just it was a mess um but I did it cuz I had nowhere else to go
and I was desperate because I didn’t know anything and I knew they knew something or else they wouldn’t be
having a treatment center or be a therapist or um and before I knew it I was doing those things that I hated so
much and I wasn’t hating it as much anymore um and I started to actually
like myself and like the people I surrounded myself by um and got that job
in treatment um couple months later passed a bad living situation right out
of sober living I now live with four people I met in recovery um who are
still my best friends till this day um the only friends I would say I really
had that wasn’t transactional um and yeah I mean throughout that time I was a behavioral
Tech um met a lot of great people became case manager then lead case manager um
then went to another facility Aaliyah um to to be a case manager about a year and a half ago and then I came on as a be
rep about some months ago yeah wow yeah yeah and that’s the short
version I love that I have so many questions yeah right where do I start um
well I guess let’s start here um what do you think kept you sober so like from
the advice that you’ve gotten from your experience what kept you sober and ALS
so like your mental health um going well yeah um I think continuing to do all the
things that I didn’t want to do and that honestly till this day I still don’t want to do um like wake up in time for
work and the small things like that um creating an order in my life of some kind um that was the number one thing my
therapists would always say is to have a routine of some kind that you could stick to right um that could be like a
foundation and you know stability for you um I think that was the number one
thing um as well as Community right I I was forced to go to AA meetings and
hated them and hated how happy those people were at first and then um I became one of them and um without the
friends that I live with now if I did not have them or the situation that I
live in now or my family now there’s no way I would have been able to do it on my own yeah so I would definitely say
doing all all the things you don’t want to do and Community for sure yes
yeah um they say like the opposite of addiction is connection connection my
favorite T talk it really is amazing I think I’ve seen it in I’ve I’ve also had
it in every class and I’ve shown it a million times literally yeah but um it
really captures it well um and then what about like
what stuff did you struggle with so like that you said codependency you really
struggled with so how did he work through that yeah um I would say my main issues were codependency I had a huge
anger issue um anger anxiety and depression those were my main issues as
um in regards to mental health um codependency I think the main thing for
me was learning to actually love myself and I know that sounds cheesy and it does it’s true everyone talk to all the
clients I’m like I know it sounds crazy um but not only just loving yourself but
figuring out ways that you can learn to love yourself right um which is different for everybody um and I think
that that takes time too right time and practice um it does not happen overnight
um I think finding things that you love doing and surrounding yourself by people
that you do love if you just do those simple things and you stick to them um even when you want to be alone and when
you want to isolate um I think that that is definitely a key factor in my
sobriety today for sure um in regards to my anger um had to realize that I’m
definitely not always right and I’m far from it um so I think a huge thing is
also acceptance or was acceptance for me and every day it still is um I hated my
family for whatever reason I made up in my mind um but the real truth of it was
I just couldn’t accept them for who they were as individuals um and I couldn’t accept
that they are who they are and that has nothing to do with me and I can’t change that right like my parents have lived
and thought away for 60 years right just because their daughter that they love very much is going through something
doesn’t mean that they can suddenly just shift that right and completely understand it and get behind it um it
took them time uh we’re definitely in a much better place than we were um
they’re awesome I can now see them as like human beings rather than just my parents if that makes sense you know um
no one’s perfect everybody makes mistakes um but accepting them for where they are and who they are um and
realizing that that doesn’t have to have an effect on me and I don’t have to
always you know have their what is it
um I don’t have to base my life on making them proud for everything I do
right um I think that was a huge thing is that every single step I took I
related it back to my parents and what they would think right which held me back a lot um and now me and my sister
are very different people um but for instance I have a lot of tattoos um my
father hates tattoos hat them um and I I just don’t like hiding like I’m not
going to hide that from them um I’m 30 years old right I can make my own choices um and it was the same thing
back in the day when I smoked e I’m like I’m not going to hide it from them if they wanted to S me they can you know um
but just being myself and learning that when I am myself they still love me you know um which is scary it’s scary to
just put yourself out there like that um but it’s also very freeing when you realize all these thoughts and ideas and
Concepts that you had um about how people will judge you or what they’re going to you know what they’re going to think um it’s just not accurate people
can surprise you you know um so yeah yeah and then with the anxiety and
depression um is the structure what helped you as well or was
there more I needed structure yeah um all the places I went to that I wasn’t
successful at getting clean at um did not have the structure I needed um the last place I went to was very intense
very hardcore 247 and it’s different for everybody right but I needed that structure and 3 years later four years
later today I still need that structure I still need to wake up every morning
and have a scheduled planned meeting that I have to hit every day I have to hit those things I got to go to the gym
I have to do these things um or else you know even though I have remote job and I
make my own schedule um I can’t just lay on my couch all day no and that’s all
the more reason you need a structure exactly exactly I start that’s the moment when those thoughts of like you
suck and you’re so lazy and why do you you know what are you doing your bosses are going to think this or that you know
um start to come to be so structures very important for me um also taking
into consideration the physical the spiritual um aspects of it as well so I
like I need to stay active in some way or another um and I can’t isolate you
know can’t isolate um I need to have someone to talk to um that’s another
huge thing right even if it’s between therapists um I need to have a friend I can vent to about something right I
can’t keep it all in um or else it’s like that trash can it just builds up and then it catches fire um what really
helped me at first with my anxiety and depression and racing thoughts and all
those things was writing things down right um I think the first time I realized that was doing the step work
like step four um writing out everything you’ve ever done and all these people whatever it was um it felt great to me
you know that’s the scariest step for a lot of people but for me it was nice to see everything on paper and to realize
it actually wasn’t the end of the world if that makes sense and you’re not the worst person to ever live you know
um and after that I continue doing like a gratitude list every single night before I go to sleep um and it’s like
small things that people think oh like yeah whatever it’s not going to make a difference or oh yeah what I can tell
someone I’m grateful for something yeah exactly um and it made a huge difference
um I think it also added to the routine right um so I think just having Outlets
of different kinds definitely helped whether it’s our or sports or whatever
um an outlet and a sense of community um and yeah for me huge thing was not
isolating yeah could I could I ask you how you structure your gratitude lists yeah so I it’s I like the way I do it
it’s not just like okay list like 10 things you’re grateful for it gets boring you know what I mean after while
um so it’s I think it’s like five four or five things you’re grateful for right start off basic um then two things you
did well today um four emotions you felt today um and two things you want to
achieve tomorrow I like that yeah so it it doesn’t make you stuck on one thing or another you think about like your day
you know your emotions not just like physical things right um and I think it
was it’s like pretty well-rounded that’s what my sponsor told me to do and I was like I’m going to let’s go let’s go um
sponses I’ve had I’ve had them do it and then we all message ours in a group chat
right um so you can see what other people are thinking what they went through um but yeah I found that to be
super helpful yeah yeah yeah I was doing them I did them for like 30 days straight
like that’s what somebody told me to like do it for 30 days change the neurons in your brain or something I was
like okay but I did it for 30 days and it definitely changed something it’s usually like kind of like my snap like
reaction right is like or it’s like I guess A coping mechanism is just think about the part that I’m grateful for
right I think he did it was like five things you’re grateful for today five things you’re grateful to be you for and
then five positives in the past 24 hours was like five five5 angel numbers I literally just uh
actually covered it up but I had 555 tatted on my leg oh I took a one of my
roommates had his her boyfriend had a tattoo gun and I did it on myself and it was awful and I just got it covered up
but it was there it was there but um no that’s perfect it’s well-rounded right
um and yeah even if you’re like someone that totally doesn’t believe in that stuff if you do it for 30 days it
reprograms your brain in a way right um and it’s not just like it there’s
studies that show this stuff works and decreases anxiety and depression it’s
all about yeah shifting perspective I think and I think like why while you I
mean in your story you can see like your perspective changeed on your family on
sabety on all of it and then that’s when it worked for you so yeah I think it’s
also like what you said like even if you’re going through you get into a fender bender or something right I would
horrible yeah exactly I I have horrible road rage I will tell you that but um at
least I didn’t die right at least it wasn’t worse you know I flipped my car before at least I didn’t flip my car
dude at least everyone’s okay you know um and your brain starts to do that by itself which is cool you know um I think
a huge thing that I was told when I went into treatment is like we have to reprogram your brain like your brain has
been thinking this way and doing things like this for a very long time um and
all these coping skills and these tasks we having you do are not just out of
annoyance right it’s to help reprogram and rewire your brain and having these
better Pathways instead of choosing oh I’m going to go isolate you go talk to
somebody about it right um so yeah I think without all doing all those things
I did not want to do I wouldn’t have been able to reprogram my brain if that makes sense yeah yeah can uh how how was
uh I know you went to school for art and painting how’s that been with your
recovery yeah actually um so going to school for
something that is kind of like you can’t tell someone they’re bad
at that that’s not how you do abstract painting you know what I mean like you can’t do that but they somehow did right
um so I’ve been told by various people like when you go to school for something like painting or drawing it kind of
ruins it for you um because of that you have to do it a certain way to like pass
the class or to make your professor happy um but when I went into treatment the
first Treatment Center I went into I had an art therapist and he was so cool he
was like he walked in in this uh velvet suit and had like these uh crystals
hanging on his neck and um he was just he had a huge suitcase that he would
just open and there was a canvas that we put on the table and little thing it was perfect um and I realized in that one
hour period that all these people from all walks of life who have stories all
different kinds for that one hour every single person was only focusing on the painting in front of them and nothing
else so no one was thinking about their anxiety or their depression or their trauma or this and that they were only
focusing on like what line to paint next um and that moment on I strived to
become an art therapist um so about seven months ago when I got this new job
um I actually got into school for art therapy um which is a very new Niche
when it comes to schooling um and I would have had to go to school in
Massachusetts and like drop everything so it just wasn’t the right time you know I wasn’t I wasn’t like oh damn it
you know I was like it’s just a sign it’s not the right time um but yeah I
think art again it can be a different medium for other people right it can be film it can be whatever um just taking a
passion and having it as an outlet is I mean it’s awesome it’s awesome it’s
helped a lot um and I think something as fluid as art also can help like a lot of
people yeah um you know someone like my sister who um is fearful of things like
therapy because it drudges up your past um had a therapist that was an art therapist and it she had a huge
breakthrough you know um by just like drawing things because you know know like even children they’ll draw things
but they won’t talk about them you know or people will bury things so deep down yeah um that they don’t even remember
them but in a painting it might come up you know um or dark colors versus bright
colors whatever it is um so it’s definitely my past life and my present
life definitely have meshed at one point um I honestly would like to be able to
have the time to paint more um but I think in other ways it definitely is
still there in my day-to-day for sure if that makes sense yeah yeah and I’m sure
you could even like at the place you work at learn a therap like art Therapy
Group exactly yeah just add to the curriculum yeah MH my favorite um one of
my favorite activities to do for art therapy and I’ve done it with like poems or any sort of creative
expression is like um to have them depict their addiction versus their recovery and oh my gosh I get the most
creative things ever so um but yeah I think I think you’re right it’s it helps
people who don’t really communicate well to like really open up yeah we I mean we
at one of our after care facilities we have a music studio like a legit studio with mics and uh drums and guitar and um
we have a music therapist come in once a week and you know as a case manager I would sit down do face- to-face sessions
with clients and um you know people who are incarcerated their whole life right young kids and they come in they don’t
say anything when you’re sitting with them all at one they don’t open up um and then an hour later I hear them like
rapping a whole song you know um so it just it’s going to be different for
everybody but everybody has an outlet of some kind where they relate to it right
um so yeah like writing absolutely um I used to love writing it’s poems
screenplays whatever um it’s a great Outlet right that goes back to journaling and all that so I also think
it increases like it um improves self-esteem because you’re more aware absolutely of yourself of like
everything around you so it like slows your brain down for a second yep it’s a
pause for sure um yeah it makes whatever we have going on up here become a
physical of some kind well it’s a song or a poem or whatever painting um and I
think that’s kind of a relief for a lot of people right is to be able to like get something that was inside and stuck
and you can’t really look at it right um down into a physical thing right um but yeah it’s
it’s awesome I love I love art therapy can mean a bunch of different things right um and I think honestly that it
should be incorporated a lot more yes um um so yeah I think again it’s a new
Niche right now um but I think in the next few years it definitely is going to
show up more yeah something that AI can’t take take our jobs
from exactly that’s true y yep um so
yeah what would you say um would be your biggest advice to people who are either
struggling with mental health or um addiction and just or even though who
just want a change who feel like they’re in a rut yeah I um I think the number
one thing I would say to do is also the hardest thing to do which is to ask for help um and at the same time admit that
you don’t know everything right um because it’s whether it’s addiction or
mental health if someone’s struggling um and they’re doing things
the way they’ve been doing things and it’s not working right you need to try it someone else’s way or another way but
we can’t necessarily just do that wake up one morning and start doing things differently like we need assistance
right um but at the same time admitting that we need help is the hardest thing to do um so I think just talking to your
mom or your friend or a therap a stranger whoever um just get it out into
the world um because I think you’d be surprised at how much that one thing
that one conversation could really help you in the long run yeah very true what do you think is uh the right type of
structure for people I guess early in their you know like recovery or like
mental health um yeah best structure like meaning
facility or or just in general type yeah just like in general just for people like I think um I think it’s different
for each individual for sure um but I think if you can find a way way to get
into a setting in which you can talk about your situation and also listen to
others situations um because it’s one thing to be able to talk oneon-one with a therapist but to be in like a group
setting whether it’s a meeting or um groups in treatment whatever right um or
a Bible group literally anything you also hear other people’s experiences and you realize you’re not alone um and I
think that another main struggle of ours whether it’s addicts or people struggling with mental health is that we
feel alone and we feel like it’s US versus the world and we’re the only ones going through this and no one can
understand um so I would just say to put yourself in a situation whatever that
may be um in which you can share what’s going on with you and also listen to others yes
yeah and just probably like for some shorts and stuff do you want to go over some uh just crazy stories that you know
you people would find interesting try think sorry my fil let me try and think of C I was trying to
think of some like right before we started I feel like so much stuff happens when it’s time to remember I’m
like yeah I also feel like I I’m realizing lately that I think I like suppressed a [ __ ] ton of stuff um not
cuz they were bad or good or whatever but I also think I like had an upbringing where I was very lucky and I
was surrounded by the wealth of La um that it was really normal to me like it
was it was really normal to me which is crazy um but um and that’s why I
probably don’t think of it as like crazy stories [Music] um I don’t know man I don’t I really I
can’t think of one insane story that has to do with my addiction but um a crazy
little tiny thing that um when I was growing up up uh I left school um
ditched for lunch in Beverly Hills with a group of my girlfriends and we took her Range Rover um and
she pulled over to the gas station and needed gas and then asked me to hop out of the car with her she wanted to talk
to me and she said I don’t know how to pump my gas can you pump it for me what
I was like I was like what you talking we’re 18 what are you talking about and then she was like yeah just don’t tell
them I was like oh okay so I think I think in that moment that was like a
moment in which I started feeling gratitude right like yeah I didn’t have drivers that woke up at 5:00 a.m. to
fillm my car before I left the house like some of these girls but I knew how
to pump my own gas like that’s crazy I know how to survive in the real world um
and I know it’s probably not the craziest story you were hoping for but no I think it’s significant of something
yeah for sure I think that’s like and honestly I think that was during a time in my life where I felt no gratitude
whatsoever I was very mad at my parents for um not being as wealthy as these other girls families or um you know they
flew us on private jets to like an island for her birthday like it’s you know what I mean why shouldn’t I have
$20 for a lunch you know um so I think that was a time in my life where that was like a huge moment of realization
for me um I think the other crazy moments or crazy stories would just be
like War Stories yeah exactly War stories that I think people kind of zone
out when listening to because it’s you know happens to a lot of us and has
happened to a lot of us um and I just I also don’t think mine are like glamorous in any way like mine are like I’m
homeless on the streets in Hollywood you know and hopping from motel to motel and um things of that nature um but yeah I
think a lot of maybe those stories were like at crazy part parties for whoever
famous person in the hills of Hollywood and this happened I met this person or whatever and I walked in okay um this is
another just crazy thing um I was at my one of my closest friends parties she
threw a lot of um andair at her house and all the girls would come over to get ready beforehand and we’re getting ready
in her room and everybody’s like down at the party you know I’m staying behind to do a little blow and um I go into her
closet like to put something away in my bag and I hit something like I hit something with my shoulder and this like
jewelry case opened like automatically like in Mr Mrs Smith into like a safe
with like diamonds and everything and then a safe was just open next to me
with stacks of cash what in this girl who is like 17th bedroom I’m like why
would she need that I’m like what the hell is this um I might have taken a couple on um but I think things like
that were just like what the [ __ ] dude these lives that people live that are
somehow parallel to my life because I go to school with them and I don’t know but
my life was nothing like that you know um I went to school with like Mary Kane
and Ashley they went to my school the fannings went to my school um one of my closest friends you know their father
was an actor growing you know um so I think I grew up in craziness like
craziness um and I also had to I had that imposter syndrome very young um and
uh dress a certain way and act a certain way don’t show your emotions you know um so I I don’t know I think my story is
just one huge [ __ ] crazy story to me you know I like it because you’ve been
in both abely mot using to you know the with
celebrities and I think it’s also one of my favorite things is like sitting with
the one-on-one with a client and um you know seeing they’re like super closed off and they don’t even want to make eye
contact with you and um you can tell that they’re like in a hole right um and
then I’m like okay everything I’m saying isn’t helping but then I share okay dude like I get it like I I know you don’t
think I get it but like 3 years ago I was homeless on the streets like I get it you know what I mean like this is my
story too and just because we look the way we look Now does not mean that we were not that person too and we aren’t
still that person you know what I mean um so I think that again coming from a
clinical background and coming from a background of being in recovery is like a huge asset in what we do it’s just
huge um and again it makes me love what I do you know um I think because I have
a personal connection to it um and I think that you know I don’t look at
myself in the mirror and go you’re awesome you know maybe I should more um but I think that we don’t realize that
we are those people that people look up to right like our clients look up to us and want what we have right and want to
know how we got there you know so yeah I’m thankful for my crazy story yeah you
know got me here today so yeah that’s awesome where we at on time 50 minutes almost
50 okay probably should how do you think we should like
close it out is there anything else that you’d want to say you could probably like promote yourself stff everywhere no it’s so good
I think and you were really like I was like wow how many times has she told her
story because you didn’t even like it was so smooth I’ve only told it like four times but I also have an issue
where I don’t I I think it’s part dissociation where I like really don’t have a problem telling my no it’s like
what’s H cuz I’m not going to just tell it partly without you know what I mean like what’s the point in that it’s not
going to help anybody so exactly um no I’m good any other shoutouts like maybe like help to help like you know people
understand what business development is a little bit more like anything like that um just look at me as a friend who
wants to help get you to the right place um and have a knowing that I am not
going to sell you on where I work even though it’s awesome if it’s not the right place for you you know um I want
to get you to the right place so you can get help and stop leaving facilities after a week um so I would say like I
know it’s hard to trust people um but try MH you know um try and not forget
why you asked for help in the first place and why you walked in these doors in the first place right um we didn’t
just go pick you off the street you came to us asking for help so let me do what
I do best and what I’m paid for every day and help you get to where you need to be you know true yeah that’s the
right way to approach it yeah just like got to talk to people like they’re humans you know cuz they’ve been through
places where they’re treated like animals I’ve been in facilities where it’s run by people that have never met
anybody in recovery or never you know it’s strictly a business and you feel like an animal in zoo being studied you
know um so I think just talking to individuals like the human beings they are um really has a reaction yeah I me
people where they’re at mhm exactly you have to or else I’m telling you it’s not
going to [ __ ] work no you have to disarm them cuz like especially cuz they’ve been screwed over so many times
so do something I noticed in recovery a lot is like people like sometimes like talk at the person like well you need to
go to more meetings like you need to do this it’s like you’re not at the fourth step yet you’ve been sober for like you
know six months why aren’t they at the fourth step how about I ask them that you know what I mean like God yeah 100%
there’s not one right way to do this at all there’s millions of ways to do this and um just because someone’s not doing
it your way doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the right way for them it’s true you know I do you think it is hard to
find the mix between comp fashion and uh like structure though absolutely I’m if
if you cross a line with me I might seem that I might seem nice and jolly but if
you cross a line um or if you’re really overstepping a boundary um I will
definitely put you in your place right because you also came here to be put in your place to an extent right so I think
it’s also very hard to work in this industry um because you have to have really strong boundaries of your own
um you can’t get too involved in someone’s story or an individual you just can’t um because then you’ll take
it home with you you know um but at the same time I will not let someone walk all over me there’s no way in hell you
know um but like you said there’s a certain way to do it you know um I think
it’s finding that certain way and it’s different for each person we just have to be able to gauge the individual which
is really tough you know but it’s doable it’s doable um um and it’s worth trying
for sure putting in the effort instead of just treating everybody like they’re the same person yeah you know that’s not
going to work yeah cool thank you so much for coming
yeah of course guys thanks for having me it was awesome thank you yeah it was a good time
